Not My Circus

The first essay I ever had published was for the Peru Tribune. I think I was paid $5.00 for it. It was about abortion--from the point of view of the fetus. We still have the article, framed, on our bedroom wall. It was as anti-abortion as I could make it.

When my daughter was in late high school or early college, we discussed abortion and ended up having a shouting match. I said words to her that I've taken back and apologized for and regret with the strength only a totally wrong parent could possibly understand.

I argued with a sister-in-law about abortion years ago ... actually with a couple of them. I'm not sure I've ever told them I was wrong, but I was.

Not because I was anti-abortion-as-a-form-of-birth-control. Not because pregnancy is something so special to me I can't imagine not wanting the person who results from it. I still have strong feelings about those things. I got those feelings from how I grew up. From being pregnant when it would have been a whole lot easier not to be. From being a mom and knowing it was the best thing ever whether we could afford our kids or not, whether I was overwhelmed almost every minute during the raising of them or not. Yeah. Strong feelings indeed.

For me. Just me.

Your body, your choices, and your decisions have nothing to do with me or anyone else. It's your circus to navigate. Do I think your choices and decisions will often come back to haunt you? You betcha. I know this because I have a few hauntings of my own, a few mistakes I wish I could undo, a few days in my life that I don't know I'd survive living through again.

But I would. So will you, whatever choice or decision you make. And if you ever need someone to talk to, there are people out there. If you ever need to make a couple-of-days trip to another state to clear your head and find your way, there are people out there who will help you. If you need help getting through a pregnancy you didn't plan but want anyway, there are people out there who will help.

Life is messy. It doesn't matter who you are. It has nothing to do with gender, race, weight, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation ... you name it. It's messy. And it is to be taken care of--which you can't always do all by yourself.

It doesn't always have to be your circus to be helpful. Have a good week. Be nice to somebody.

P.S. A friend, Cheryl Reavis, posted this link on Facebook this morning. It's a PDF I'd never seen before, but it's worth opening, printing, and keeping somewhere that you can find it easily. https://depts.washington.edu/fammed/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Katers-selfcare_printable.pdf?fbclid=IwY2xjawMEFp5leHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHu2x7OGPr7cSTeMBhQ8qXg-soc0WXzhuaagnKuNLsjGCBuwLBWpShcXSZ0EY_aem_1B4jQ6Ci3ekvj2cG-0ARag