Gloomy Gulliver

by Debra Jo Myers

Clowns! Funny faces, wild hair, colorful clothes, and big shoes. The creatures designed to bring laughter wherever they go! Except they don’t. Not for half the population suffering from coulrophobia. Yes, half! Coulrophobia – it sounds like it should be a fear of cults or something sinister, not a fear of clowns?!  

Grandpa gave me my first clown when I was six. It was an appropriate gift since mama signed me up to be a kiddie clown in the Peru Amateur Circus. Grandma made my costume with red and blue fabric and yellow polka dots all over it. It had little yellow poms in front, and a matching hat. The clown grandpa got me was dressed almost exactly the same!  I loved it. Grandpa said he would keep his eyes out for clowns as he traveled the country. They multiplied quickly. My curio cabinet became my clown cabinet.

After I graduated, I considered selling my collection when I left for college. They were outgrowing the cabinet, and mama thought I had outgrown them.  But it was as if there was a force pushing me to keep them. Each with a different face that made me smile. No two were exactly alike. Needless to say, I left them there in their cabinet.

When I got married, and we were moving to Texas, again I decided I didn’t want them. It would be a pain to have to wrap up each one for the move. Mama told me I had to take them with me this time. As I stood in front of the cabinet, something told me I should keep them. The clowns had always been a great conversation starter, and when I had children, they would like them too. So, as I packed them, I counted. 227 clowns.

Over the years, I encountered at least five friends who had coulrophobia. I was asked often why I had the clown collection, where I got them, and how many there were. I had a story for every clown. I was even asked to show them when our local TV station was doing a piece on people who collected odd items. Of course, I didn’t think they were odd.

Fast forward thirty years later. The clowns had moved with me two more times. I had my kids, and they did love the clowns, especially my daughter, Aimee. She would take out a few at a time and play circus. She began to give them names, and she asked me if she could write the names on the bottom.

As the kids and I grew older, I was finally at a place where I felt like I could sell them. I was taking them out to take pictures and clean the cabinet when one almost fell before I caught him. His face was sad, incredibly sad. I glanced in the cabinet, and he was the only sad one in the bunch. I swear I heard him talk, probably just in my head, but I listened.

“We can’t leave! If you break us up, we’ll be scattered everywhere. We want to stay here with you. We are a family.  If I have to go, my frown will never turn upside down.”

I turned him over and saw his name, Gloomy Gulliver. He was given to me by a friend who had died. I couldn’t part with him, and he begged me not to. Maybe I would keep a few of them, including Gloomy Gulliver.  

I kept him at my side as I sorted through the cabinet. Of the now more than 300 clowns, each had a memory and most had a name. How could I decide? There was the large bust of Emmett Kelly, who was a local man who became the famous clown. There were the delicate ones my mama had made by a glass blower. A bobble head with a fat belly with a bell inside, a bean bag clown with a gold costume, one standing upside down on his hands, a fat one with a bell inside, and so many more. I couldn’t help it. I loved these clowns.

I haven’t told anyone about the day Gloomy Gulliver spoke to me.  But I’ve decided I’ll keep my clowns until the day I die. There are three I want to have buried with me – the first one Grandpa bought whose name was Poppy (which was also my name when I was a clown), Gloomy Gulliver, and a small Emmett Kelly with his head bowed in prayer that Aimee named King Emmett. They are going with me when I leave for heaven above. I only hope none of the angels have coulrophobia.

Debra Jo Myer’s trilogy of books is available – get Vex and Valor, Verdicts and Vows, and Verve and Virtue all for $21 if you read this here! Pick up from her and get them autographed!

debra.myers922@yahoo.com 

Also available on Amazon. https://tinyurl.com/tjrc6wxm